04 June, 2006

You gotta read this email!

So I decided to check my email account that I never check and lo and behold - look what I found! Some guy named Harry Hall from the UK decided to take it upon himself to put this "conspiracy theorist" in his place. Harry, it turns out, is concerned at my (along with the other contributors to this blog's, apparently - as well as its readers') lack of cognitive power. So I figured I should pass the message on to all of you other zombie enthusiasts out there. So here it is, in an email Mr. Hall has entitled "Your unbelievably vast stupidity":

"You entirely missed the point when you based your entire website on one book. Brooks ripped the piss out of the "survival handbook" genre while keeping a perfectly straight face, and people like you, who believe conspiracy theories despite lack of evidence (and evidence against in plentiful supply), simply refuse to believe the truth and get sucked in by the most stupid idea in existence. Visit the website below for proof that he wrote the book as a joke. Maybe, if you'd studied medicine at university like I have, you'd have realised that it is a physical impossibility for a virus to affect cerebal activity in any other way than hallucingogenics and shutting it down permanently.

The theorem portrayed is that it "melts" the front lobe of the brain while still maintaining base functionality; a theoretical possibility never seen or proven. However, this would destroy any possibility of the virus transmitting its "urge to spread" (which it doesn't have; it has no wish to spread, it simply wants to feed) to a higher brain function: oh yeah -- they've all been destroyed.

Ultimately, the disease breaks the fundamental rule of all diseases: adverse affects to the body are simply side-effects of the feeding of the virus. This would mean that the disease would die out (if it is a virus, there has to be a zombie somewhere in the world at any one time, as viruses cannot survive without an organism to feed off) as it kills too quickly; a
24-hour disease epidemic is impossible, as the virus would not have time to spread. Oh yeah -- and don't be an idiot, reanimation after death as a "biologically dead but somehow mystically functioning creature" is impossible.

If i was to sum all this up, I would do it by saying: it isn't a biological theory. Why? because the word biological includes the word LOGIC. Which is exactly what the theory lacks.

The link is to an interview with Max Brooks; he acknowledges it's a joke. Bad luck. Better luck with the next stupid conspiracy.


Harry, UK"

What can I say? I feel debunked. I've already emailed Mr. Hall back to thank him for correcting the error of my ways. Perhaps you all should do the same. His email address is: harriieee@hotmail.com

I'm sure he'd love to hear from any and all of you.